10 Worst movies of 2008

We have a ten way tie for the worst movies of 2008:

1) What Happens in Vegas

Ordered by a judge to serve  six months of “hard Marrage” – what could possibly go wrong with this premise… everything. 

1) Twlight

The “in” vampire fad, needs to please go away. Or as South Park puts it, anyone who thinks they’re a vampire is retarded. 

1) The Day the Earth Stood Still

I rank this up there with some of the most disappoint events in my life. I really had high hopes for his movie. And while it’s suckiness may not be worthy of the top ten worst list, I’m still mad at its over all suckiness, so here it is. 

1) Meet the Spartans 

Rule of thumb. Parody movies are not funny.

1) W.

Not only did the filmmakers screw up almost every fact in the movie, the acting sucked. 

1) Religuluous

Bill Maher is a moron. He goes out and talks to crazy religious people in order to poke fun at the beliefs held by 90+% of the people on the planet. 

There is a reason you are in the minority Bill. Deal with it. 

1) The Alphabet Killer

This could have been a great movie. Eliza Dushku is a great actress and does a wonderful job with this lousy script. This film is based on a real life unsolved murder mystery. The facts of the case make the story really interesting, but the film makers couldn’t decide if they were making a horror movie, a ghost story, or a crime drama. The blend of the three don’t work.

1) The Love Guru

This movie was such a mess. Mike Myers needs a new agent. 

1) Passengers 

I saw the “surprise ending” a mile away. Epic Fail. 

1) While She Was Out

The movie tries to hard, and like Passengers, the big twist at the end is so unbelievable, it makes the whole movie fail. And what the hell, I will spoil it so stop reading if you want to see this garbage of a movie. 

They really want us to believe this housewife, devoted mom of two would kill her husband? Every after all the crap she had to deal with that night? Her going home and packing the kids suite case and then leaving the house is how the film SHOULD have ended and would have been a much more reasonable reaction. 

Instead, she comes home kisses her children and tells them she loves them. Then goes down stairs and shoots her husband in the face. Then the film dramatically cuts to black and roles the credits. What the hell would come next?

She is obviously going to go to prison and lose her children. I refuse to believe she would survive all the events of that night to throw it all way in the end.

10 Best Movies of 2008

10) The Happening

The critics were not kind to The Happening.  And for it’s flaws, I still think the movie works and deserves a spot at number 10 on my list. 

9) X-Files: I want to believe

Agents Mulder and Scully are back! The movie feels a lot like the first few seasons of the X-Files, when the show was in its prime. No aliens, no problem – hopefully this won’t be the last X-File movie!

8) Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who

“On the fifteenth of May, in the jungle of Nool, In the heat of the day, in the cool of the pool.” This movie is fun from start to finish, with excellent animation to magnificent voice talent of Carry and Carell. 

7) Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Zack and Miri make a porno, but also make a pretty darn funny movie. 

6) The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

The second movie in the Chronicles of Narnia series was so good, I re-watched it as soon as I finished viewing it the first time! C.S. Lewis would be proud of how much the filmmakers have stay true to his books. 

5) Forgetting Sarah Marshall

This could easily be one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. 

4) Wall-E

Have you seen Wall-E?

No?

Why not? 

Go… rent… or better yet… buy this movie… now.

3) Cloverfield

I have not been more excited about seeing a movie since I saw the Green Mile (and I’m a big Stephen King fan). Cloverfield marketing campaign was as brilliant as the film. Slammed by critics as a Blair Witch knockoff, but actually it lives up to Blair Witch’s greatness (and surpasses it).

We have this monster attacking New York (when will NYC catch a break), and the story does not focus on explaining the creature, rather we get to be a passenger on how this small group of people react and try to survive. 

I look forward to Cloverfield 2. 

2) The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

I have not been more excited about seeing a movie since I saw the Cloverfield! I first saw the preview for this movie in April of 2008 and was hooked! I patiently waited the rest of the year and it was not in vain. 

Brad Pitt should win an Oscar for his performance as Benjamin Button. The movie is based on a silly short story from the first half of the century about a baby who is born an old man. 

The movie takes the subject much more serious. A baby is born with a fictional disease that makes him suffer from all of the elements of old age. The movie is not typical as it does not have a neat and pretty ending. The movie will make you think and hopefully make you appreciate the relationships we have with the ones that we love. 

1) The Dark Knight

It is not an exaggeration to say, the Dark Knight may be one of the best films in the crime genre ever made.  Christopher Nolan gave us everything we loved about Batman Begins and then topped it with the Dark Knight.

Review of – I am Legend (2007)

“Nothin’ happened the way it was supposed to happen.” – Robert Neville

Synopsis

Each afternoon when the sun is highest in the sky, Robert Neville waits. He sits on a pier under the shadows of a destroyed Brooklyn Bridge with the anticipation of encountering other human life. Months slowly turn into years as he waits in vain. He’s the lone survivor of a deadly virus that has apparently killed off all of the human race. All but a few, who hide in the shadows and wait for dusk. When the sun goes down, they come out and Robert Neville goes into hiding. He waits bunkered down in his steel enforced apartment and prays that another nights goes by where he is undetected.

Each afternoon when the sun is highest in the sky, Robert Neville waits. He sits on a pier under the shadows of a destroyed Brooklyn Bridge with the anticipation of encountering other human life. Months slowly turn into years as he waits in vain. He’s the lone survivor of a deadly virus that has apparently killed off all of the human race. All but a few, who hide in the shadows and wait for dusk. When the sun goes down, they come out and Robert Neville goes into hiding. He waits bunkered down in his steel enforced apartment and prays that another nights goes by where he is undetected.

My Review

In 1954, author Richard Matheson penned I Am Legend and instantly breathed new life into the modern zombie and vampire genre. In his book, Robert Neville is the sole survivor of a world wide catastrophe. During the night scores of men and women roam the streets infected by a rapid bacteria based virus that has turned them into vampires. They wait outside of Neville’s house screaming his name. They want his blood, they want him to join them. At dawn, the vampires who were not able to get into hiding are killed because of the powerful light of the sun. It’s only as this time Robert Neville is safe to come out of his fortified home and begin his daily routine. He must fix the windows and make sure they are still secure. After violent attacks the planks would be split or pried off, and he’d after to replace them. He then goes about gathering up all of the dead bodies so he can dispose of them. After this he goes out looking for them, trying to find their hiding place so he can kill them before they have the chance to kill him.

This story has become so successful, that it inspired countless other novels and movies. Stephen King has said, “I am Legend was one of the most frightening and fascinating books I’ve ever read.” He later said, “Without Richard Matheson, I would not be around.” George A. Romero has said numerous times that I am Legend was a major influence for him in his magnum opus “Night of the Living Dead.”

The book has been adapted for film two times prior to Francis Lawrence 2007 version. The first was in 1964 and called “The Last Man on Earth.” And again in 1971 as “The Omega Man.” Both films strayed from Matheson’s work to various degrees. The end results often left fans of the book sad and unsatisfied. So imagine the surprise and anticipation when the trailer was released for the third film version of the book, starring none other then Will Smith! I count myself as one of those huge fans of the book, who could not wait to see how the film maker would treat the masterpiece that is Matheson’s book.

I am happy to report that most of what I have to say is positive. However, film could have been so much more amazing had they gone with an alterative ending they shot but failed to use. The film opens with a news anchor interviewing Dr. Alice Krippin who is there to announce she has successfully re-engineered the measles virus to be “helpful, rather then harmful.” She reports a one hundred percent cure rate in all of her clinical trials. Out of 10,009 patients with cancer, she has cured them all.

Three years later we are transplanted to an empty and abandoned New York City. We see no signs of human life at all. Until we see a red Ford Mustang GT flying down an empty street. Hello, Mr. Neville. Will Smith plays Robert Neville exactly how I pictured him in Matheson’s novel. He is a Lieutenant Colonel in the United States Army and also a microbiologist specialized in the field of virology.

We learn from a sequence of flashbacks, that the Krippin cure had mutated into a very contagious and deadly strain of the virus. Almost all humans and animals are infected and the entire population of the planet is pretty much wiped out. Those who didn’t die have developed a nasty and aggressive personality. Much more akin to zombies rather then vampires as in Matheson’s tale. Still the same we see hints that these zombie like creatures have intelligence and organizational skills.

Like the book, during the night Neville takes shelter in his home. While the zombies roam and terrorize outside. However, one significant difference is the zombies do not know where Neville lives. He has made sure for the past three years to always cover his tracks. This is important as it is the number one reason Neville believes he is safe.

One of Neville’s primary routines each day is the study and research of a cure for the disease that has ravaged the planet. He tries new potential antidotes on rats and other infected animals. When it shows possibility with them he then sets traps and tries to captures one of the zombies. After several dozen human tests, he has still not found a cure. He has done a meticulous and precise job to document everything and even keep his data on six different hard drives of his computer (a sleek, futuristic looking iMac).

Neville’s continuous failure to find a solution to the world wide epideictic might have been too much to handle for anyone one man, but luckily for his weaning sanity, he has his family dog Sam as a companion.

I am Legend is a scary a decent adaption of the Richard Matheson’s novel. It’s certainly the best version of the film made, and when you add the alterative ending to the film the director shot buy failed to use, you turn this movie from decent into perfect.

In the theatrical version of the movie, you see the zombies as mindless killing machines, the glimpses of humanity and intelligence are fleeting and don’t add up to anything in the end. The irony and twist to the original story is completely lost.

This was beyond exasperating. They had Will Smith, the perfect actor to play Robert Neville and just settled on making a scary, post-apocalyptic movie. And if that was all they were aiming for, then congratulations, you succeeded. I give this version of the film three out of four stars.

However, Francis Lawrence shot an alternative ending that if used would have made the movie one of the greatest horror films ever created. In this version, we see that the zombies are not just mindless killing machines after all. And they don’t necessarily care all that much about being “cured.” What they would like is to have Robert Neville stop killing them! They see all of his experiments as torture and murder. The entire film had been flipped on it’s head and you have to really analyze who was really the “bad guys” in the end. This is exactly the twist we have in the book, only to a slightly different degree. This version of the film receives four out of four stars.

Cast

 

• Will Smith as Robert Neville
• Abby (and sometimes Kona “the Stunt Dog”) as Sam
• Sali Richardson as Zoe
• Alice Braga as Anna
• Willow Smith and Marley
• Emma Thompson as Dr. Alice Krippin

 

What more can be said Will Smith, he perfectly captures Robert Neville. He is said to have spent a week alone in his apartment preparing for the film. I can’t even Imagine Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger or Tom Cruise who were the first two cast in the role. It is interesting to note that Marley was played by Smith’s daughter Willow. She said she was excited to be “playing” with her dad in the movie. Smith also used his son is another movie of his, “The Pursuit of Happiness.” He’s training them young to fill the big shoes their daddy wears.

Ratings and Suggestions

The movie is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of science fiction action and violence. The theatrical release is 100 minutes long and the alterative version is four minutes longer. This is definitely a DVD you want to own. The DVD comes with a many great features such as three deleted scenes, animated cartoons, and the alternative version I mentioned above.

The theater version gets three out of four stars and the alterative gets four out of four stars which comes out to: three and half out of four stars.

The Happening (2008) – Jeff’s Early Review

“The attacks are spreading.”

Jeff’s Synopsis

Something is causing people to kill themselves. Hundreds and thousands of people, for no explained reason are suddenly doing whatever they can to end their lives. Elliot Moore (Mark Wahlberg) plays a high school science teacher trying to figure it all out before it’s to late. However once it’s learned what is causing this “happening” it may be too late to stop it.

Review

Originally titled “The Green Effect,” M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Happening” will scare the hell out of you. That is, if you like M. Night Shyamalan work. The happening has everything a viewer could want from a horror movie. Suspense, check. Terror, check. Fright, check. Mystery, check. Solid acting, well, for the most part.

Not everyone will be happy with Mark Wahlberg’s performance, but I loved it. He’s confidant, and commanding which allows him to take command of every scene he is in. Zooey Deschanel, plays his wife Alma. They share some chemistry together, but nothing like it could have been with a different actress. Her delivery is very hallow and it distracts from the film. She was the same way in “Tin Man,” the Sci-Fi channel’s remake of The Wizard of Oz. She gets increasing better as the movie goes on, but I’m surprised they went with her for the role.

The Happening has some really frightening scenes. A man gives himself up for dinner to a lion and we get to watch it all on someone’s iPhone via youtube. It’s creative and original all the while delivering some of the most subdued suspense you can expect from M. Night Shyamalan.

So what is “happening,” I won’t spoil it, but I know there will be some crazy environmentalist groups nodding their heads in agreement. That being said, it doesn’t distract from anything and the movie never feels like a sermon. I wish however they would have kept the original name “The Green Effect.” It just makes more sense and gives the movie more depth.

The film reminded me a lot of a Stephen King book called “The Cell.” The book had terrorists using signals in cell phones to turn everyone in to murdering zombies. The book was published in the early 2006 (thanks Alisa). I have to believe that M. Night was inspired in part by King’s book.

Cast

• Mark Wahlberg as Elliot Moore
• Zooey Deschanel as Alma Moore
• John Leguizamo as Julian
• Ashlyn Sanchez as Jess
• Betty Buckley as Mrs. Jones
• Spencer Breslin as Josh
• Robert Bailey Jr. as Jared
• Frank Collison as the nursery owner
• Jeremy Strong as Private Auster
• Alan Ruck as the principal
• Victoria Clark as the nursery owner’s wife
• M. Night Shyamalan as Joey

Ratings and Suggestions

The movie is rated R for violent and disturbing images. This is not a movie for children or young teenagers. Some of the scenes will make you turn your head. This is a major plus for many adults and the studio has even used their “R” rating as a marketing device. The film opens this Friday (the 13th) against the Incredible Hulk. It should do good, despite being up against such a power house. The movie is awesome and I recommend it. Three out of four stars.

Spoilers – The Ending and why many may not like the movie (Copy section to see)

I was very curious to see if they would kill off Elliot, Alma and Jess. If the movie was really honest with itself, they would have died. And besides the horrid acting of Zooey Deschanel, they should never have had Jess speak. Her first words of “Okay Aunt Alma. I love you.” Was way too forced and sticky. They should have just let Jess hug Alma tight and let that speak for itself. This was a big mistake and I think will help people leave the theater with a negative taste in their mouth. Just pretend like it never happened, and I think you’ll enjoy the film more.

The final ending with the green effect happening again in a far off, foreign country works. We didn’t see any one take their life, but it left you will a cold chill, knowing this thing is far from over…

Get Smart (2008)

Yahoo! Synopsis

Maxwell Smart is on a mission to thwart the latest plot for world domination by the evil crime syndicate known as KAOS. When the headquarters of U.S. spy agency Control is attacked and the identities of its agents compromised, the Chief has no choice but to promote his ever-eager analyst Maxwell Smart, who has always dreamt of working in the field alongside stalwart superstar Agent 23.

Smart is partnered instead with the only other agent whose identity has not been compromised: the lovely-but-lethal veteran Agent 99. As Smart and 99 get closer to unraveling KAOS’ master plan–and each other–they discover that key KAOS operative Siegfried and his sidekick Shtarker are scheming to cash in with their network of terror. Given little field experience and even less time, Smart–armed with nothing but a few spy-tech gadgets and his unbridled enthusiasm–must defeat KAOS if he is to save the day.

My Review
Unlike other reviewers, I’ve never seen an episode of the original “Get Smart.” Many critics are not impressed with this Peter Segal version of the popular sixties television show. Fortunately for me, I have nothing to compare the movie with. And I have to say, what you have is an extremely funny, spy spoof, with plenty of action thrown in.

Director Peter Segal, who has credit for arguably one of the funniest movies ever with Tommy Boy, impresses with Get Smart. As Maxwell Smart, Steve Carrell is at his best! He was constantly funny and like every character he plays, he is instantly likable. Anne Hathaway is beautiful and brilliant as Agent 99. She beats up on Smart for most of the movie and it at times can be rough, its comedy genius in the ackward way we love Carell as the regional manger of Dunder Mifflin.

For some reason I am always suspicious when I see Dwayne Johnson in a movie. Perhaps it’s just his wrestling background that gives him a bad rap. He needs to shake this image off, and this maybe the movie that helps him to it. He’s a great actor and really funny as Agent 23.

I was hip with Get Smart from the opening scenes to the credits, the plot are funny and it has that same great feel I remember when I first saw Tommy Boy. I plan on seeing it again this weekend. Bring the whole family because this is a movie everyone will love.

Cast
Steve Carell as Maxwell Smart
Anne Hathaway as Agent 99
Alan Arkin as The Chief
Dwayne Johnson as Agent 23
Terence Stamp as Siegfried
David Koechner as Agent Larabee
Terry Crews as Agent 91
Masi Oka as Bruce
Nate Torrence as Lloyd
Dalip Singh as Agent Rana
James Caan as the President
Blake Clark as General

If it hasn’t already been cemented in stone, Steve Carrell is a blockbuster movie star. Even his lesser films, Dan in Real Life and Evan Almighty are good enough to recommend. Heather and I used to talk about what this might mean for his role in the Office, and after seeing this movie I am more concerned about it. He is going to be able to do whatever he likes and I hope that included TV as well as the big screen.

Ratings and Suggestions
Rated PG-13 for some rude humor, action violence and language. The movie is a freight train of non-stop fun, with never a moment wasted. It almost two hours long, and guarantees to make your stomach hurt with laughter! Four out of four stars!

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

“Oh, I believe sister. That’s why I’m down here.” – Indiana Jones

It’s 1957 and the Russians have kidnapped Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones, Jr (Harrison Ford) along with his good friend George “Mac” McHale (Ray Winstone). They have broken into a closed military base (Area “Hanger” 51) in the deserts of Nevada. Lead by Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett), they force Dr. Jones to help them recover an artifact being held there by the US government. They want a rectangular storage container with the remains of a mummified body inside. They believe Dr. Jones knows where it is because he was part of a team ten years ago that originally found and examined it.

He used the magnetic qualities in gun powder to locate the box among the large amount of other containers in the wear house. After they open it, Dr. Jones gets his hands on a gun and uses it to escape. However before he gets away he is betrayed by McHale. He’s been a double agent for years working for the Soviets. Jones, while stunned manages to get away.

Dr. Jones find himself in the middle of a nuclear bomb test site and he only has seconds to figure out how to save himself before being vaporized before our eyes. In one of the best scenes in the entire movie, he adverts disaster and ends up safe in the hands of the military. He discovers the FBI wants him for questioning because of his friendship with McHale who they’ve been monitoring for years. They are suspicious of Jones but tell him he is obviously free to go.

He heads back to Marshall College where he is still an archeological professor. He is told he has to take a leave of absence because the US government has pressured the school with the fear Jones is a communist. He decides to head to London where he can teach there. Before he leaves on train, he is stopped by Mutt Williams (Shia LaBeouf), and is told is old friend Dr. Harold Oxley (John Hurt) has been kidnapped because he had discovered a crystal skull in peru.

From this point, the movie takes a wild ride with Mutt and Jones in search for the Crystal Skull. The movie may very well be the best movie in the entire series. And the good news for Indiana Jones fans, this shows no signs of being the final installment in the franchise. In fact, the end of the movie has a very telling sign, that not only may there be more Indiana Jones films, but Harrison Ford isn’t ready to give up his hat and whip to LaBeouf yet.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull succeeds in every arena. The film is visually beautiful set in the late 1950’s. It also has the same feel as the previous three movies. You can easily watch all four films in a row and not miss a beat. It is suspenseful and packed full of action and adventure (with a whole lot of thrill and humor added in).

The movie is rated PG-13 for adventure violence and scary images. It’s just over two hour long, and there’s never a wasted minute. I could not be more impressed with this movie, I happily and excitedly give it four out of four stars!

American Beauty (1999)

 

In the last year of his life, we are introduced to Lester Burnham, a sarcastic and cynical husband and father. As he lives out the American dream, he feels empty inside. His teenage daughter Jane hates him while his all to perfect wife Carolyn despises him. Day after day he goes through his mundane existence without alteration.

One night Lester is forced to go to his daughter’s high school basketball game, where she is a cheerleader. Once there Lester develops a major crush on Jane’s friend Angela.  Even fantasying about her during the game. When he is finally introduced to her after the game, Lester is a stuttering, flirting mess which mortifies his daughter, while Angela enjoys the attention.

It’s at this point in the movie that Lester changes from a man who doesn’t really care about anything to a man who cares, but just doesn’t care what anyone thinks.

The movie makes you second think everything that is important in your life. What sense of worth do you really have for people and everyone around you. How often do we step back and look at all the small things in life that you would otherwise ignore.

American beauty may go down as one of the greatest movies ever. It’s brilliance is not in acting alone, even as the acting shines, but it’s in the artistic way the story is told. Filled with splendid writing, this movie delivers a knock out punch that few viewer see coming!  Like a junior high art teacher, director Allen Ball manages to show us that beauty can be found, in so many simple things, even a plastic bad floating on the sidewalk! I couldn’t recommend this movie enough!  Four our of four stars!

Shutter (2008)

“What’s that in the photo?”

Yahoo! Synopsis

For photographer Ben (Joshua Jackson) and his new wife Jane (Rachael Taylor), his new assignment–a lucrative fashion shoot in Tokyo–was supposed to be a kind of working honeymoon. With this exotic professional opportunity and the limitless possibilities of a new marriage, Ben and Jane arrive in Japan. But as they make their way on a mountain road leading to Mt. Fuji, their new life together comes to, literally, a crashing halt.

Their car smashes into a woman standing in the middle of the road, who has materialized out of nowhere. Upon regaining consciousness after the accident, Ben and Jane cannot find any trace of the girl Jane believes she hit with the car. Shaken by the accident and by the girl’s disappearance, Ben and Jane arrive in Tokyo, where Ben begins his glamorous assignment. Having worked in Japan before and fluent in the language, Ben is comfortable there, and he eagerly reunites with old friends and colleagues.

Jane, a newcomer to the city, feels very much like a stranger in a strange land as she makes tentative, unsettling forays through the city. Ben, meanwhile, has discovered mysterious white blurs–eerily evocative of a human form–that have materialized on an entire day’s work from the expensive photo shoot. Jane’s concerns escalate as she believes the blurs in Ben’s photos are the dead girl from the road, who is now seeking vengeance for them leaving her to die

Review

Shutter was almost universally trashed by critics and movie goers alike. The movie is nothing more then a ghost story sat in Japan. The tension builds as Ben and Jane start to realize they are being haunted and followed by a ghostly image that appears in all their photos. Shutter is decently scary, however the script could have used a few more rewrites. We have good actors in Joshua Jackson and Rachael Taylor but the characters are so one dimensional.

The film falls apart in the final acts where the standard ghost story cliches make their appearance. I saw the ending coming half way through the movie and I was dreading it like a child dreads taking a bath. I so wanted something to happen to divert us from what was sure to be a dreadful final 10 minutes of the movie, but nothing happened.

This movie would have worked brilliantly as an hour long X-Files episode, but it fails as an hour and a half major motion picture. One positive note was the cinematography. It was shot on location in Japan and that definitely gave the film an authentic and beautiful look.

Cast

• Joshua Jackson as Benjamin Shaw
• Rachael Taylor as Jane Shaw
• James Kyson Lee as Ritsuo
• David Denman as Bruno
• John Hensley as Adam
• Maya Hazen as Seiko
• Megumi Okina as Megumi Tanaka

Ratings and Suggestions

The movie is rated PG-13 for intense terror, disturbing images, sexual content and language. I am giving it one and a half stars because despite it’s poor screenplay, the actors were good and there are enough scary moments not to make the film a total wash. It could have been so much better.

The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

The world is ending, global warming is real and you have 24 hours to get to Mexico. Dennis Quaid and Jake Gyllenhaal star in script that could have been written by Al Gore. The movie is pure fantasy however, I did somewhat enjoy myself.

Quaid plays Jack Hall, a climatologist who has been trying to sound the alarm of global climate change with no luck. Suddenly massive storms hit the planet, sending Earth into a second Ice Age. Hall then must race to New York, where his son is trapped in the library.

The movie is fun, and ludicrous at the same time. It’s nice eye candy and if you have some time to kill, with no other movies to watch, you should enjoy yourself with this one. One and a half stars out of four.

Note: South Park did a really funny parody of this movie called, “Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow.”

What Happens in Vegas

I would like to meet the salesmen who sold this movie to the studio. The film is full of tired, movie cliches that have been used dozens of time on the big screen and on every sitcom in the 80’s and 90’s. Dana Fox’s screenplay is an assult on the intellegence of every movie goer who will sit in a theater and pay good money to see her film.

An unlikely couple comes together from across the country and find each other married in Vegas. Of course they were so wasted at their wedding, they don’t realize what they’ve done until they wake up the next morning. This whole idea of them getting married while they were drunk is just ridiculous. Beside the fact it’s against the law in the state of Nevada to marry while intoxicated, it’s equally unbelievable that the justice would marry them!

They agree a divorce is necessary and plan to go their respective ways until Jack (Ashton Kutcher) wins three million dollars at the casino using a quarter given to him by Joy (Cameron Diaz). Craziness ensues until they end up in divorce court to settle who is owed the money. In an act of movie zaniness, the judge who sentences them to “six months of hard marriage” after which the money can be spit evenly. However they figure out if one of them files for divorce in the mean time the other gets the entire three million dollars.

The rest of the movie is full of insipid one liners and predictable gags, I’m not surprised to learn that many people have walked out on this movie half way through. If you do suffer all the way until the end, I know you won’t be shocked to learn these two crazy characters find they have more in common with each other then they originally believed. This movie was a waste of Ashton and Cameron’s talent. You may chuckle a couple of times, but I guarantee you’ll spend most of the time rolling your eyes. This film gets a half of star.

Mary Poppins (1964) Jeff’s Review

Wind’s in the east, mist comin’ in. Like something is brewin’ about to begin. Can’t put me finger on what lies in store. But I feel what’s to happen, all happened before. – Bert

Mary Poppins is a Walt Disney musical based on a series books from the beginning of the 19^th century. Jane and Michael Banks are two rambunctious children who drive their nannies crazy. Their parents have hired six of them in the past six months. Finally, their father who is a stern and no-nonsense man who spends very little time with his kids decides he would do the hiring instead of his wife. He places the following advertisement in the London Times:

A British nanny must be a general, The future empire lies within her hands, And so the person that we need, To mold the breed, Is a nanny who can give commands, A British bank is run with precision. A British home requires nothing less. Tradition, discipline and rules must be the tools. Without them, disorder, catastrophe, anarchy, In short you have a ghastly mess.

The children however have a different advertisement they wish their father to place:

If you want this choice position. Have a cheery disposition, Rosy cheeks, no warts. Play games, all sorts. You must be kind you must be witty. Very sweet and fairly pretty. Take us on outings give us treats. Sing songs bring sweets. Never be cross or cruel never give us castor oil or gruel. Love us as a son and daughter. And never smell of barley water. If you won’t scold and dominate us. We will never give you cause to hate us. We won’t hide your spectacles so you can’t see. Put toads in your bed or pepper in your tea. Hurry, nanny! Many thanks. Sincerely, Jane and Michael Banks.

Their father is appalled and sends the children to their room. He rips up their ad and throws it in the fire place. However the wind picks it up and sends it up and out of their house.

The next day at eight o’clock in the morning sharp a long cue of potential nannies stand outside the house waiting to be interviewed. However a gust of wind blows them all down the street. Just then a magical woman flies from the clouds with the help of her umbrella. The children see her from their window and are instantly excited. She has rosy cheeks and everything they proclaim! Mr. Banks is flummoxed by the fact this nanny has the advertisement the children wrote (one he ripped up and threw in the fire place). He hires her and sends her right to work with the kids.

It’s not long before the kids realize Mary Poppins (Julie Andrews) is no ordinary nanny. She takes the children to the park where they meet Bert (Dick Van Dyke) and before know it she has them jumping inside one of his chalk paintings. She also has them floating on the ceiling for a tea party and performing magically games to clean their room.

This musical from 1964 is wonderful and captivating from start to finish. Andrews and Van Dyke have so much chemistry it oozes off the screen. Virtually every musical number is timeless and has become part of the American lexicon. Such as, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious which is a word when you have no other words to say! I loved this film when I was young and I was surprised to see how much my little girl loves the movie today. At 139 minutes, this movie is a delight for the whole family! Four out of four stars!

Godfather III

This movie does not exist. It never happened. If you ever come across a DVD or VHS tape labeled “Godfather III” it’s an obvious error, feel safe to throw it away and continue on with your life.

Meet Joe Black

 

What is death? Is it an abstract thing that just happens when our life is over? Is death a dark angel that waits over us and chooses when our end will come? Is it the grim reaper, waiting in the corner with a scythe it’s hand? It’s one of those questions like “What happens to us when we die?” No one has ever came back to tell us, so we have to wait and see for ourselves.

In the film Meet Joe Black, we have an answer. Death is personified as a curious man who wants to learn about human life.  He chooses a successful business man named William Parrish (Anthony Hopkins) to be his guide. Approaching his 65thbirthday Parrish had been hearing strange voices ever since suffering a heart attack. The voice is almost mocking him. It repeats the advice he gave to his young daughter Susan (Claire Forlani)  about being open to find true love. He tells her to be mindful and open because “lightening may strike.”

Later that day Susan, a doctor of internal medicine stops at a coffee shop for a bite to eat. While there she meets Brad Pitt’s character they instantly realize they have amazing chemistry. At the end of their lunch they even admit they both like each other “so much” – but they party ways. A chance encounter, a moment in time – for Susan, it was  lightening striking. As Susan walks out of sight and turns the corner, he is hit by a car and killed.

Later that night we are back with William Parrish and he is having a dinner party with his family. He starts to hear the voices again and is told “I’m waiting at the front door.” He asks one of his cooks to check the front door, and sure enough there is a man there waiting for him. He has the cook show him into his den where he waits.

Parrish excuses himself from dinner and goes and meet’s death. Death tells Parrish he wants him to show him the ropes. He wants to experience life the way only Parrish could show. He is taken back by this request, but he soon learns this is not optional. He must accommodate death’s request or their time together would end, and Parrish’s life would end as well. As long as Death was happy, Parrish would be stay alive.

Brad Pitt and Anthony Hopkins are brilliant on screen together. This 178 movie is very slowly paced which allows to learn much about the characters.  An marvelous un-credited character is the music in the film. Award winning film composer Thomas Newman does a magnificent job scoring this movie. He gives the film a sense of darkness this movie richly needs to help the eeriness of the story come alive.

The climatic ending of the movie works perfectly, don’t listen to any critic who says the movie takes too long to finish. Nonsense.  It’s a journey you will be glad you took and be thankful for when it’s over. Meet Joe Black get’s four out of four stars.

 

Early Review of Leatherheads (2008)

 

Leatherheads is a movie that will make no lasting impressions on you. A lot of smart and snappy dialog make the film entertaining to watch, but ultimately it’s nothing special.

Geroge Clooney plays Jimmy the Dodge Connolly who desperately wants to legitimize professional football.  Set in the 1920’s, football is viewed more something as joke, and not at all taken seriously. Looking at several different options to change this, Connolly recruits war hero and college football sensation Carter Rutherford (John Krasinski) to help save his sport.

Rutherford and Connolly approach the came from completely different directions. Rutherford takes the game seriously and views it as an art rather then Connolly’s dirty and “anything to win” view of the game.

This movie sat frozen while studio after studio passed on the script, George Clooney ended up rewriting the entire thing and turning it into more of the slapstick comedy we have today. Clooney felt the movie was to dry and boring to ever be developed for film. Reportedly he only kept a few scenes intact that were written by the original screenwriters (who still have the only credit billing on the movie).

Even after all of Clooney’s revisions the movie still comes off as an occasionally funny film with extremely talented actors. Stephen Root is wonderful as Suds and John Krasinski is very funny as Rutherford. The movie is worth a rental if you like sports movies, otherwise, it’s to be avoided. 

Review of the Green Mile (1999)

Synopsis

In 1935, Paul Edgecombe had the worst urinary infection of his life. It was also the year of John Coffee and the two dead girls. He worked for Cold Mountain Penitentiary in Louisiana as the head guard on Death Row. Death Row is usually referred to as the Last Mile. As it’s the last steps an inmates takes on the way to face judgment for the crimes they’ve committed. At Cold Mountain however, the floors of Death Row are covered in green linoleum, consequently it’s name the Green Mile.

My Review

Based on a serial novella by Stephen King, the Green Mile is the best adaption of King’s work. The film faithfully follows the book, by using flashbacks to tell the story of John Coffee and the miraculous year of 1935. It was directed by Frank Darabont, who previously teamed with King on the Shawshank Redemption. Darabont also wrote the screenplay for the Green Mile, turning the 400 page, six volume tome into the brilliant three hour movie we have today.

We are introduced to Paul Edgecombe as he awakes from a nightmare. Presumably the same nightmare he’s been having for decades. He’s haunted by his past, and the things he’s seen and done. One afternoon while watching television in the family room of the retirement home he is living in, and old show brings back a flood of memories he wishes he could forget. He leaves the room in tears and his close friend, Elaine Connelly follows. They withdraw to a private room where he precedes to tell her the story of John Coffee and the two dead girls.

Stephen King is often labeled a “horror” writer. And sure, it’s with good reason as he is the man who brought is the Shinning and Storm of the Century. However he has quite a knack for dramatic story telling. Sure, the Green Mile has plenty of supernatural elements in it, however it’s much more of a story about the men who come into contact with Coffee.

King and Darabont make several allusions to Coffee as a Christ like figure. His name is John Coffee (J.C.). He is sacrificed for crimes he did not commit. He has incredible ability to heal, and to raise the dead – the same as our Lord. Despite all these obvious implications, the movie does not push this view on anyone, it’s only something you would notice from watching it closely.

Unfortunately for the Green Mile, 1999 was a remarkable years for films. It was nominated for a several Oscars, including best picture. But as a result of the daunting competition, it lost to American Beauty.

Cast

Tom Hanks as Paul Edgecombe
Michael Clarke Duncan as John Coffee
James Cromwell as Warden Hal Moores
Jeffrey DeMunn as Harry Terwilliger
David Morse as Brutus “Brutal” Howell
Doug Hutchison as Percy Wetmore
This ensemble cast works together like the 1997 Detroit Red Wings. Everyone played their role perfectly and without an ounce of trouble or doubt. I was interested in seeing who they would cast as John Coffee and Michael Carke Duncan exceeded all of my expectations. He even earned an Oscar nomination as best supporting actor for his role.

Ratings and Suggestions

The Green Mile is rated R for violence, language and some sexual related material. At 188 minutes long it’s certainly a movie you have to invest your time in watching. But it will be time well spent. It’s one of the greatest movies ever made and receives four out of four stars.