The Office on the Family Feud

They played for: Children’s Advocacy Center of Northeastern Pennsylvania

The Nicene Creed by Stephen Colbert

Keeping with today’s Stephen Colbert theme, as you can probably tell from the previous post Stephen is Catholic. Last year on an episode of the Colbert Report he let everyone know exactly what he believes…

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Stephen Colbert on Religion

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From chapter 4 of his book “I am America and so can you.”

A few pull quotes:

• “If you want to go first class on Christ-Track, there is only one way to ride… Roman Catholicism!”
• “Jesus founded only one church folks and it wasn’t Unitarism.”
• “Catholics have many advantages over other Christians. One is marble. For the buck I put into the collection plate, I want some production value. That means a church, not some community center that doubles as basketball court. Also Catholics have saints– more than 10,000 of them. They’re like God’s customer service reps, and each of them has a speciality.”
• “Protestantism, this is a variant form of Christianity, or ‘heresy’”
• “Protestants don’t make me angry as much as disappointed. Unlike the world’s crazy made up religions, they’re so close to getting it right. They’re a single Pope away from reaching their full potential.”
• “You’ve had your 490 year protest, lets move on.”
• “Why don’t Episcopalians just come out and say it – their Anglicans! A bunch of Tory Loyalist Brito-philes… waiting for the day America let’s her guard down and they can reinstate Henry VIII! Let’s keep an eye on these people”
• “Methodist – What, the Church of England wasn’t heretical enough for you?”
• “I’ll give the Mormons this, they know which way the wind blows when America decided polygamy wasn’t the way to, the Mormons changed their ways and banned it! They had similar changes in policy when public opinion turned against the tradition of massacring pioneers and believing all black people are evil.”
• “Pretty much whenever the general populous decides that Mormons are a sinful, crazy cult, their leader receives a message straight from God that makes everything okay.”

Dreadful Detroit Duck Drama

WXYZ, ABC’s local affiliate in Detroit, Michigan is out of ideas. Bill Spencer last night did a live report on three baby ducks that fell into a sewer drain. This is not Grand Rapids or Saginaw, but a supposed major market.

Bill Spencer, besides wasting our time to watch his ridiculous story, also wasted the time of the local police and fire departments. It’s funny, when Bill talks to the ladies who called him about it, they say they called “five or six different agencies” before theyCalled Bill for Action™. The said he came running over as soon as they called. can you picture Bill in his office, running out the door in a panic, on the cell phone, “call the police, call the fire department we have to save these ducks!”

They ended up flooding the sewer…

Thanks to the Michigan Radio & TV buzzboard for the heads up.

60 Minutes: Why Are Honeybees Disappearing?

“If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe then man would only have four years of life left. No more bees, no more pollination, no more plants, no more animals, no more man.” - Albert Einstein

Wikipedia Article on Colony Collapse Disorder

WXYZ’s Don Shane in 1984

Three classic minutes of Detroit’s favorite sportscaster, Don Shane from 1984 working in Chicago!

Hayden Panettiere kisses the cup

The Office Music – Download 107 Songs and Clips

I went through the all four seasons of the office and grabbed every song sang by Michael and the gang. It’s a massive collection of 107 songs and funny moments!

• Songs 1-52
• Songs 53-107
• Season 5, Episode 1-13; Songs 1-25 (NEW & UPDATED)

1. The Office Theme 0:32
2. Call from Packer 0:28 
3. Michael doing Chris Rock 1:45
4. Dwight calls Jan 1:33 
5. Jim and Dwight form an alliance 1:50 
6. Ryan meets Mr. Rogers 0:40 
7. Dundies 1:41 
8. Todd Packer 2:09
9. Michael gets gold medal 2:33
10. Ryan started the fire 0:38
11. Fire Guy 0:20
12. Everybody hurts 1:25
13. Who will be let go 1:16
14. Dwight punches Michael 3:28 
15. Chili Baby Back Ribs 0:23 
16. Dwight is awesome 0:29 
17. How did Michael get into improve 0:26
18. Phyllis – here i go again on my own 0:18
19. Michael and Jim – Island In The Stream 1:19 
20. Packer christmas party 0:59 
21. Michael dancing 0:55 
22. Dwight – Drunken sailor 0:15
23. Pam says goodbye to Dwight 0:25 
24. Micael explains shut gun rules 0:18
25. My lips are sealed 0:11
26. Hooters Girls sing hookey pooky 0:27
27. Pams back 0:27
28. Dwight’s Speech 3:58 
29. Teach Your Children 1:14
30. Pam at grocery store 0:36
31. Thanks, girl 0:11
32. Jims Stanley impersonation and jinx 1:05
33. Boyscouts at Casino Night 0:48
34. Don’t call retarded people retards 0:15 
35. Scranton party 0:17
36. Michael confronts Dwight 1:34 
37. Jim learns Call of Duty 0:51 
38. Grief counseling 2:20
39. Bird funeral – Pam singing
40. Home Alone 0:16
41. Ryan recounts his steps 0:40
42. Michael and Stanley 0:24 
43. Tuna are you kidding me 0:45
44. Happy Diwali 1:15 
45. Call me Levenson in the morning 0:17
46. Lazy Scranton 1:20 
47. Michael calls out Dwight 0:40 
48. What is love 1:06
49. Prison Mike 2:38 
50. Andy Singing to Pam – Rainbow Connection 0:32
51. Andy asks out Pam 0:50 
52. Andy asks Jim to hang out 0:58
53. Little drummer boy 1:17 
54. Salaries Revealed 1:20
55. Karoke 0:58 
56. Whale Watching 0:41
57. Angela and Pam talk Football 1:11
58. Creed Singing 0:29 
59. Island Living 0:22 
60. Dwight is gone by Andy 0:35
61. Zombie 0:43 
62. Rocken Robin – Andy and the Tuna 1:09 
63. Cell phone prank 2 0:48 
64. Cell phone prank 1 0:29 
65. Dwight vs Ben Franklin 1:21
66. Scrantonicity and Karen – Every little… 0:14
67. Scrantonicity – you were meant for me 1:04
68. Scrantonicity – Fields of Gold 0:27
69. Jim trains dwight 1:06 
70. Michael buys Pams art 2:07 
71. Wikipedia is the best thing ever 0:22
72. Andy is back with a new name 1:06 
73. Lion King song 0:50
74. Jim as Dwight 1:16 
75. Give me the beat boy 0:39
76. Dwight as Jim 0:47
77. That is so messed up 0:42
78. Andys confession on camera 0:55
79. Gamber 0:43 
80. Flintstones 0:38
81. Dwights Hell Fantasy 1:10
82. I hate your guts Toby 0:47 
83. Dwight interviews Andy 2:11
84. Pam and Toby blooper 0:25 
85. Fun run message 0:14
86. Pam and Jim go public 2:04 
87. Andy to Angela – Take a chance on me 1:26 
88. Leaving inside Jims car 0:16
89. Runaway train 0:31 
90. Kit-Cat Bar by andy 1:14 
91. Dunder Mifflin by Darrell 1:25 
92. Toby is the worst 0:38 
93. Happy bithday Creed 0:27 
94. Happy birthday Creed Redux 0:47
95. Kelly Smack Talk – I 0:28 
96. Kelly Smack Talk – II 0:10
97. Kelly v Pam – III 0:48 
98. Hunter’s Song 0:45 
99. Hey Babe 0:41 
100. Chairmodel Lady 1:14 
101. Andy – Ball and Chain 0:25
102. Michael – Rodney Dangerfield 1:10
103. Fluffy Fingers 1:25 
104. Michael – I’d never say this to her face 0:34 
105. Andy – Take that shirt off 0:35
106. Goodbye Toby 1:56 
107. Deep fried twinikies 0:29
108. Andy propses to Angela 1:58
109. Bonus – Freelove By David Brent 3:24
110. Bonus – David Brent tried to cheer 1:31

Season 5

1. Math is Hard
2. Ang Ang Ang
3. Michael’s Poem
4. MC Michael Scott
5. Rice-a-Rony
6. Jim and Pam Announce
7. Let’s Get Ethical 
8. Ethics Bomb
9. Did you see Battlestar Galactica
10. Jan Sings “Son of a Preacher Man”
11. Michael Misses Pam
12. Michael and Holly are alone
13. Boss Scored the Boss
14. Life is a Highway – part 1
15. Life is a Highway – part 2
16. Jim’s Brother’s Prank on Pam
17. Michael and Darrel sing the blues
18. Michael Dwight and Jim Role Play
19. He’s Back
20. Dwight’s Perfect Crime
21. Clueless Andy Sings
22. Whorish Job
23. Staying Alive
24. Michael’s Roast
25. Michael’s Revenge 

Fox News – #1 – 77 Months in a row!

Download – Dwight Schrute Letterhead

 

You can download and print the actual letterhead here (with no watermark). I created it based on the opening scene from “Branch Closing.” Season three, episode seven of the office.

 

Dwight Schrute accepts VP nomination on Leno – With audio and pictures!

Senator John McCain went on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart and announced his choice for Vice President:

He has wisely chosen, Dwight Schrute from Scranton, Pennsylvania. Dwight answered Senator McCain in a letter read on the tonight show with Jay Leno:

 My fellow American and select Canadians,

My name is Dwight K. Schrute. Recently it was brought to my attention that a Presidential candidate has selected me as his vice President or as I prefer to call it, “Assistant President of the United States.”

I was not surpised by this information, because I am the only suitable choice. As for Mr. Jonathan McCain, I will accept your offer old man, but before I do, certian terms must be agreed upon.

1) I may pilot Air Force One whenever I want. And while doing so I only to be addressed as “ice Man.”

2) Effective immediately: Jack Bauer is promoted to Secretary of Defense.

3) I demand full government financing of research programs into Beet as an alternative energy source. Beet juice is cheaper then gasoline and better tasting.

4) My bunker must contain a foosball table and be zombie proof.

5) Secret Service members are to be armed with nun-chucks, throwing stars and flame throwers.

6) I would like a flame thrower.

7) I would like an Iron Man outfit.

8 ) My current employer, Michal Scott has asked to be ambassador to Hawaii, or governor of Florida, or King of Tahattii, whatever.

All of the above items are negotiable (except the flame thrower – basically, if you get me a flame thrower, I’m on board). In conclusion, I will display completely loyalty to my president and America, at three am when the phone rings in the White House, I won’t even hear it, I’m a very sound sleeper.

Vote Schrute!

Dwight K. Schrute, Assistant President

Loyalty to a sports team & My Tigers Resume

“Loyalty to any one sports team is pretty hard to justify.  Because the players are always changing, the team can move to another city, you’re actually rooting for the clothes when you get right down to it.  You know what I mean, you are standing and cheering and yelling for your clothes to beat the clothes from another city.  Fans will be so in love with a player but if he goes to another team, they boo him.  This is the same human being in a different shirt, they hate him now.  Boo!  Different shirt!  Boo!” - Jerry Seinfeld, The Label Maker

 

This little routine by Jerry Seinfeld has always stood out in my mind. It’s true because for my whole life I’ve been a fan of the Detroit Tigers. It doesn’t matter who wears the Old English D, if the player is a Tiger I root for them. Kenny Rogers was not a popular player when he was on the Texas Rangers. Most thought negatively when his name was mentioned, however when he game to the Tigers, he instantly became a hero to the city, (especially after his magical post season in 2006).

It also brings up the question, is it okay to boo your players or team? If your loyalty belongs to the team and not the player, is it okay to boo an individual athlete when they screw up? I think so, because they are disgracing the uniform of your team. Jason Grilli comes to mind; a horrible player, I knew for sure he would give up a lead whenever the brought him in to pitch, so when the fans booed him, he got what he deserved. I personally never boo (except extreme cases), because I always have an optimistic view the team can pull out of whatever funk they are in. 

My Tigers Resume

I got a nasty comment sometime back about how I was fake johnny-come-lately Detroit Tigers fan. He asked me to post where I was in 2003 (the year we lost 119 games). He also wanted to know my Tigers Resume, whatever that means. I’ve never thought about putting a “tigers resume” together, but I’ll bite on his stupid comment and give you my resume. 

I have been a Tigers fan since as long I could remember. Baseball has always been the sport of my heart and the Tigers have always been very personal to me. I’ve been a season ticket holder many times over, including 1999, 2000, 2001, and 2003. I was one of the first fans ever to enter the gates of Comerica Park, we got there on opening day ay 7am and were the first in line! 

 

Favorite Players

1. Alan Trammell
2. Kirk Gibson 
3. Mickey Tettleton
4. C.J. Nitkowski
5. Travis Fryman
6. Bobby Higginson 
7. Gabe Kapler
8. Robert Fick
9. Brad Ausmus
10. Jose Macias
11. Gregg Jefferies
12. Dean Palmer
13. Todd Jones
14. Jeff Weaver
15. Roger Cedeno
16. Brandon Inge
17. Justin Verlander
18. Ivan Rodriguez
19. Curtis Granderson
20. Kenny Rogers
21. Magglio Ordonez
22. Placido Polanco

I’ll update my Tigers resume when I think of items to add to it. 

 

Jay Leno on ANWR Drilling

Gossip Girl: OMFG – Stupid Or Lying

A CW spokesmen was on CNN defending the television show “Gossip Girls” controversial publicity campaign “OMFG.” His argument was, people could think it meant “Oh my freaken goodness.”

So Adam Carolla’s question… is this guy stupid, or a liar?

Jim Halpert – “Wait for me.”

The Office Quotes; Season Four; Episode Ten – The Chairmodel

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